Many people believe that relationships should run smoothly and that problems can be solved naturally, but in reality, marriages are often th...

How to Tell If You Need a Marriage Counselor

Many people believe that relationships should run smoothly and that problems can be solved naturally, but in reality, marriages are often the result of considerable work. Going to a marriage counselor can be a way to handle this task, and it is a good option if you and your partner do not seem to manage your relationship each on your side. Do not wait for a moment of crisis.

Take stock of your relationship

Accept your problem.

Some people let their relationship deteriorate because they refuse to see that they - or their partner - are bored, unhappy or feel misunderstood. Admitting that you need to do a job in your marriage is the first step to solving this problem.

How to Tell If You Need a Marriage Counselor

Think about your own feelings. 

Before trying to repair what is broken in your relationship, you need to take stock of your own feelings. Even if this can be painful, you must ask yourself if you really like your companion. If this is no longer the case - and a fortiori, if you do not think you will be able to regain those feelings - then saving your marriage, can be doomed to failure.
If you feel that you have stopped paying attention to yourself and your partner, ask yourself if this is not a defense mechanism. Sometimes, when your companion has hurt you a great deal, you can adopt an "I-madman" attitude to protect you from a feeling of sadness, rejection, and vulnerability.

Be honest about the fact that you or your partner consider the other as a gift. 

At the beginning of a relationship, one tends to show the best of oneself: whether it is about physical appearance, listening carefully or taking the feelings of the other seriously. The union with one person is made of long-term efforts, and yet, as the years pass, each can quickly consider the other as acquired. This is a sign that you need to work on your relationship, may be with the help of a counselor.

Take stock of your privacy. 

Are you and your partner connected emotionally? Do you live together as partners who help each other, or have you become roommates? Check to see if there's a distance between you and think about your real desire to bridge the widening gap - do you really want to meet an advisor and change your behavior?
Take this problem seriously especially if you feel neglected by your partner. When a partner feels rejected because the other seems concerned about his work, hobbies or other interests, it can affect your marriage.

Take a step back in your sex life. 

Does it satisfy you? If your partner suddenly stopped taking any sexual initiative, perhaps this is a sign of a problem - he or she may have an adventure, may be concerned about other problems or may feel More distant compared to you. This is a real issue - and the reverse is also valid - if you feel a lack of desire for your partner, it is also a cause for concern.

Ask yourself if you mask your negative emotions. 

If you feel that you often claim that all is well to hide a feeling of sadness, anger or frustration, you should consider talking with your partner to go see a counselor. A marriage counselor can help you healthily express your negative emotions.

Talk to your partner. 

Your spouse needs to consider his or her feelings also, and you will decide whether or not to use a marriage counselor. If one or both of you are reluctant to start the process, then an advisor may be unnecessary.

Managing crises and conflicts

Find a marriage counselor if separation seems imminent. 

When one of you begins to evoke a separation or a divorce, it is time to confront you seriously with your relationship. If you both want it to work, see an advisor as soon as possible.
This advice also applies if the disputes escalate to the point where one of you leaves home, creating an unexpected separation in the short term. This pattern is potentially dangerous, and it does not solve anything: the problem you are arguing about will remain unresolved and will continue to grow.

See an advisor if either of you or both were unfaithful. 

Infidelity does not necessarily lead to divorce, but it can take a lot of time and work to go beyond such a snag in confidence.
Infidelity can be emotional as much as physical. When couples feel distant, they may become vulnerable to an "emotional adventure" by developing feelings and approaching another person, even if the relationship does not go as far as sexual activity. Emotional experiences are warning signs that there is something to work on your marriage.

Get help if any of you are dealing with psychological problems. 

If any of you are experiencing major depression, anxiety or any other mental health issue, your relationship may suffer. In addition to individual counseling for this mental health problem, you should consult a marital counselor for two.

Do not hesitate to seek help after a traumatic experience. 

People who have experienced trauma sometimes feel that their marriage is suffering. If one of you has been affected by a sad or stressful event, you may want to consider consulting a marriage counselor who will help you to repair any consequences on your union. Consider seeing a marriage counselor if, for example, your relationship has been affected by:

  • The death of a parent, child or another close relative,
  • A severe illness,
  • Rape, assault or any other violent experience.

Look for a marriage counselor if you and your partner have trouble arranging you about your parenting. 

Starting a family requires significant adjustments that can jeopardize your relationship. A marriage counselor may be helpful if:

  1. You do not agree to have children (or other children),
  2. You do not agree on how to raise your kids,
  3. You argue a lot about discipline,
  4. You feel that you are "for the children."

Overcoming Communication Difficulties

Seek help if you think you're having a very regular fight. 

If you feel that each conversation ends in dispute, look for a marriage counselor - especially if they take place in an increasingly negative or acid tone.
In equal marriages, disputes usually do not turn into an exchange of hurtful criticisms or insults. It should remain a sense of respect and affection that prevents the conflict from becoming too harmful or wicked. If this does not seem to be the case for you and your partner, it is really a good idea to go consult a counselor.

See an advisor if the topics are repetitive. 

If a discussion topic with your partner is completely blocked, it probably means that the issues involved will remain unresolved. You probably need the help of a professional to help you communicate and solve the underlying problems.

Take seriously any negative communication. 

In healthy relationships, most of your communications should be positive or affectionate (or, at least, as a last resort, neutral). If you and your partner insult each other, you pity one another, or neglect the needs of the other, it is negative communication, and it is a sign of a Serious problem in the relationship.

Look for a marriage counselor if you can not support each other. 

You and your partner should support each other and encourage you to pursue your respective goals and become better people. If one or both of you feel neglected or belittled, it is because there may be a failure in communication. A marriage counselor can help you clearly articulate your needs and support each other more effectively.

Look for help if you do not seem to hear each other very well.

When couples have disputes or forbidden questions, it can be hard to get to meet each other and feel your mutual feelings understood. A marriage counselor can help you with many communication problems, such as:

  • Different value systems,
  • Different religious beliefs,
  • Different educational methods,
  • Different interests,
  • Different conceptions of couple life.

Address financial conflicts. 

Matrimonial counselors can also help manage disputes about money, which often underlie communication problems. If you and your partner do not communicate correctly about how to spend money, what your budget should be or how you should better manage your finances, a marriage counselor can be a real help.


Understand that conflicts and disputes are normal, even healthy in any marriage. Do not expect a relationship without conflicts. You can, however, change your tone and vary the effectiveness of your arguments and work on respecting yourself as you go to each other.

  • It is better to consult a marriage counselor as soon as you think you have a serious problem, rather than waiting too long and let your relationship deteriorate. Many couples who consult a marriage counsel regret not having sought help much earlier.
  • If you decide to continue the sessions over the long term, try to go with an open mind and positive attitude. In general, this will help you succeed and improve your relationship.